The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
