Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
this is an emotional support booty call
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
