Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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