so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
