do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
