Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize