You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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