You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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