I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
