I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
