dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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