I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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