her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
