Kiss
Puke
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize