She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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