I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Randomize
