I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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