he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
