I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
