Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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