Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
