First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize