6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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