I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
