walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Did you just see the Batmobile???
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
