I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
