i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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