There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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