jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
