please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Randomize
