I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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