My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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