I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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