we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
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