I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
