Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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