I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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