you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize