I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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