Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Everyone says I win the strip club
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
