whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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