would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
