Where did you get a picture of my penis
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
