i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
As shirtless as possible
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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