kristin has been a bad kristin
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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