Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
