It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
