If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Randomize
