Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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