Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
