there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
