Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
