His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
i think i have herpe
just one?
she looked like the before picture.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
