You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
