he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
