I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
