Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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