You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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