you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
