I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize