mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I am available for nakedness
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
