God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
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