you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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