hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
