my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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