Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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