The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
