So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
