The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
