i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
