She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
