I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
