What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Found your dick twin last night
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I think I just sharted jello shots
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