what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
