And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
