honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
