i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
