I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
