What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Randomize
