He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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