I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
